Tips for getting the most out of therapy!

Are you are wanting to understand yourself and your personal goals and values better? Develop skills for improving relationships? Or overcome certain problems? Live a happier more fulfilling life? 

While some individuals and/or couples may see a therapist out of necessity it is something that everyone can benefit from, like going to the gym, we don’t necessarily need it, but it has the potential to optimize our lives. I believe therapy is a gift people can give to themselves, their life and to the people they love. 


For some, making the decision to begin therapy can be scary, intimidating, confusing and stressful. There's good news, though! You can work through these feelings and truly get the most out of therapy. Join me for a quick look at some very easy steps that can make all of your therapy dreams come true!



Take your time selecting a therapist

You can't very well go to therapy without a therapist, right? Right! So, the first thing you have to do is find a therapist who meets your specific set of needs. It's super important to do this slowly and thoroughly to cover all of the bases to prevent you from feeling discouraged and overwhelmed. 

Start out by determining the type of therapist and approach you're interested in and whether or not they are professionally registered and/or licensed. From there you can create a list of those you'd like to reach out to along with a list of questions that you'd like to ask before scheduling a session. You can always skip this step if you're feeling adventurous or have received a trust worthy referral, by simply scheduling an initial session with the therapist(s) who strike your fancy based upon your research. 

I’ve always believed in the research showing that ‘fit’ is incredibly important in the therapy experience. There is a significant relationship between the therapeutic alliance and therapy outcome. Therefore, you should be able to connect with your therapist in order to make the best progress possible. It’s totally normal to go through an adjustment period at the beginning of your therapy journey, but don't be afraid to listen to your gut if it's telling you that you're not seeing the “right” therapist for the job.

Be open to the therapy process

Therapy is hard work! But it can also be enriching, run, and sometimes even uncomfortable. You will learn more about yourself and the world around you - your relationships, patterns, bad habits, and ultimately what is holding you back from living your best life. It requires you to be open to challenging yourself and making changes, which tends to leave many feeling vulnerable and resistant to the process. Just know that a certain level of discomfort isn't really a bad thing because breaking out of your comfort zone is the pathway to growth and the end result is worth it.

So, give it your best shot and try your very best to be receptive to both what your therapist is suggesting and reflecting back to you as well as your own self discoveries. Also keep in mind that your discomfort may ebb and flow a bit as you tackle new challenges in your sessions. This is totally normal, too, and all part of process as you venture into uncharted territories.

Set goals and do the work to meet them

Sure, you could just waltz into therapy without an idea of areas of your life that you'd like to improve. However, that makes it a bit difficult for your therapist to guide you through the different phases of therapy as well as making it virtually impossible for you both to gauge your progress.

So, take away some of the guess work by thinking of your goals and intentions for yourself both in and out of therapy. Set intentions for self-discovery and goals for changes you want to make personally, professionally, emotionally, relationally, sexually, behaviorally and be prepared to do the work. Doing so will enable both you and your therapist to set check in dates when your progress can be assessed and tweaks can be made to add new goals or modify existing ones accordingly.

Be honest with yourself and your therapist

Try to think of therapy as the time to be completely candid with yourself and with someone else who will hear what you're saying in an unbiased, nonjudgmental way. However, this can be an incredibly difficult thing to do since we are all naturally inclined to tell people what we think they want to hear or what we are trying to convince ourselves.

Fight the urge to fall into the censorship trap, though. Instead, go into your sessions with a mission to do your very best to drop your guard as you say anything and everything that comes to mind. Doing so is an effective way for both of you to work together and get to the bottom of the reason you're there in the first place. It may not always be fun to say and hear the things that will come from these brutally honest chats, but remember the end results are greater than the discomfort you feel in that moment.

Allow therapy to become part of your life

Therapy doesn't just start the moment you walk into your therapist's office and stop the moment you leave it. In fact, you need to fully immerse yourself in the process and practice mindfulness in order to get the most bang for your therapeutic buck.

This means doing your homework and holding yourself accountable day in and day out. If you're therapist suggests you journal, work on your relationships, practice breathing, read books or watch movies – do the work and really make the most out of the process. Make the most of it to maximize your results.

And remember....

Sincerely yours, Kelly

Less Thinking, More Sweating

By Bliss Specialist Heather Stuart

You may read articles, blogs or tweets writing about our cultural objectification of women and the sexualization of the female body.  I hear more and more women struggle as they work to feel comfortable in their body and with their figure in a society that scrutinizes and comments on the female form. Introduce those insecurities into the sometimes egocentric, often loud, mainly male dominated arena of the public gym and there is the potential for anxiety, over thinking and lowered self-esteem. Sadly these thoughts and cognitive distortions can be counter-productive to the benefits the gym can offer to anyone willing to participate.

For years I have slyly tried to spy on the personal trainers as they worked with their clients at my local gym. From a distance I would watch them and then try to imitate the exercises that they took their clients through. Though my solo version of the trainer’s activities seemed like a cost effective way to benefit from their knowledge without paying the could-buy-a-good-used-car price, my adaptation was saggy, soggier and generally lacking in proper form.  It wasn’t until I had struggled with lower back pain for ten years that I finally decided it was time to get a lot stronger.  I would have to stop spying on trainers like a hokey cartoon villain peering from around the squat rack, and legitimately enlist the help of a personal trainer. 

Training has been a growth experience for me and some of the things that I have discovered in my initial few months of training have genuinely surprised me. For one, I sweat even more than I thought that I did.  I credit this charming fact to an excess of body heat and the awkward nervousness I feel about most things relating to physical performance. Mark my words, despite the help of chalked hands, at some point I will slide off of a machine or drop some kind of dumbbell on my feet simply due to my sweaty, failing grip.

The other thing I discovered is how markedly different the bodily positions (necessary for proper weight training) are from the ways that I had become accustomed to holding my body. For example, while working on strengthening the chest muscles, it is necessary to puff out one’s chest like a superhero.  And when I say, “puff out,” I mean way out.

Many of my training sessions have been focused on the supreme importance of the gluteus muscles. While I certainly knew that within the body one’s rump is a muscular powerhouse, I had no idea that the key to some exercises involved sticking out that rump with wild abandon! After finally letting go of my self-consciousness and doing what comes naturally in order to move heavy weight (e.g. letting your bum muscles expand and exert control), I almost burst with laughter when my trainer exclaimed, “That’s it! Do that every time.” The caboose that I had always tried to camouflage was going to actually come in handy? Well I’ll be darned.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture that sexualizes women (and men, but particularly women) in all spaces.  As a public space often characterized by randy pop music, roving eyes, and tiny outfits the gym can be interpreted as an arena that sexualizes women, perhaps more than any other. However, it also presents people with the opportunity to focus upon building strength. The gym can create an environment to empower ourselves to let go of self-consciousness and open up to the opportunity to become stronger than we might have ever thought possible.

Show up, stick your stuff out, and be proud of your fearlessness!

Heart Your Parts

By Bliss Specialist Jess Crowe,

Last week was sexual and reproductive health awareness week.  For those of us, like myself, who are excited by all things sexual reproductive health related, this was a week to be celebrated.  However, as a sexual health lover I do realize that not everyone shares by passion or enthusiasm for this very exciting time of year. While I think the messaging and intent behind "heart your parts” is very sex positive, I do appreciate that not all of us are in a position to heart our parts; so at the very least, my intent in writing this small piece is to talk briefly about how we can take care of our parts!  First things first, let’s name them.  I am talking about vulvas, vaginas, breasts, penises and testicles!  Regardless of gender or sexual expression taking care of our parts is integral to our overall health and wellness experience.  Here are a few keys to taking care of your parts:

For those of us with vulvas, vaginas, cervixes and the like, it is important to get regular pelvic exams and pap tests from a health care provider.  Best practice guidelines recommends doing this by age 25 and then having one every 3 years to monitor changes.  It can also be recommended once a person becomes sexually active and this does not have to mean penetrative intercourse only.   Ensure that if you experience any pain, discomfort, itching, bumps, sores or see changes in vaginal fluids that you touch base with a health care provider.  If sexually active use caution and practice safer sex.  Health care providers can test for Sexually Transmitted Infections when going in for a PAP test, but might not automatically, so if you want to be tested ensure that you are asking to be!

For those with Penises and testes: Practicing regular testicular exams is something that is recommended to start by age 15.  If you ever notice swelling, pain in either the scrotum or penis make sure to see a health care provider.  As well, if you ever notice bumps or sores or some penile fluid or discharge coming from the penis this can also be a good time to see a health care provider.  Again, if you are sexually active it is also a good idea to get regular STI testing to ensure that you and your reproductive parts stay healthy!

Beyond just “taking care of our parts” in a medical sense, there is a lot we can do to take care of our parts in a wellness sense as well.  I work with all different types of clients who experience varying degrees of emotional reactions to their “parts”.  This can be seen in clients dealing with vaginismus, anorgasmia, erectile dysfunction, rapid ejaculation, varying degrees of gender(ed) expression; reaction to sexual abuse, and body image concerns among others.  Therapy can be a helpful venue for people to explore their relationship to their body, gather psycho and sexual education and gain a sense of empowerment and deeper connection to self.  So, in the spirit of keeping our enthusiasm alive in the realm of sexual and reproductive health I wish you a happy, healthy and empowered journey on the path to knowing and taking care of all your parts. 

Yours,

Jess

Simple & Easy Tips to Getting a Better Night’s Sleep!

By Bliss Specialist Jenna Luelo,

“Tossing and Turning,” among other common sleep disturbances such as: difficulty falling asleep, trouble staying asleep, or waking-up in the morning without feeling “rested,” are not only irritating but negative for our overall well-being.  These patterns can not only affect your physical sense of alertness but also your mental and emotional health. Need more evidence? Check out this article on the “8 Ways Sleep Benefits Your Life According to Science” at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/firas-kittaneh/8-new-ways-sleep-benefits_b_6437974.html

Keeping all that in mind, investing some energy into getting a good night’s rest should be a the top of your “To Do” list! 

Here are a few Simple & Easy tips to help you get on track for a better sleep experience! 

• Start and stick with a routine, even on weekends. Going to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time everyday (or as often as possible) is important. 

• Find your sleep number! How many hours do you need to wake up rested? For most of us this number falls between 7 and 9 hours.  Experiment to see what works best for you.  

• Limit the caffeine, especially after 2:00pm (Watch out for hidden culprits!) Caffeine has a half-life of 3 to 5 hours, meaning this is the average amount of time it takes for half of the drug to be processed by your body.  So when your tossing and turning look to see if caffeine could be the source. (See: http://www.cspinet.org/nah/02_08/caffeine.pdf for a good review on Caffeine). 

• Your bed is for sleep (and sex) and nothing else! We can begin to habituate our bed with sleep and restfulness, if we cut out other non-sleep related activities from the bedroom. In line with this theory, if you are tossing and turning, get out of bed and do something relaxing (light reading, meditating, have a cup of warm milk) then try again. Too much tossing and turning can being to habituate your bed with anxiety, so work to make your bedroom a relaxing, comfortable and sleepy place. 

• Your night time routine should start about 30 minutes to an hour before you're ready to hit the sheets. This means engaging in non-stimulating activities to promote calmness and relaxation. Think light reading, yoga/stretching or meditating as a few simple options. This also means putting our electronics to “sleep.” There is mounting evidence to suggest that the light emitted from your TV, phone, and computer can disrupt your natural sleep cycles (Wood et al., 2013).  We want to make sure we cut these out in our sleep preparation. 

• If you find you can’t “turn off your brain” at night and thinking has become a real sleep disruption, I recommend setting up a session with a trusted psychotherapist to discuss your worries and strategize effective stress management techniques. 

I hope these tips have been encouraging for you and provide guidance on how to invest some effort into getting a good night’s rest! 

*As with all health information and before you begin any new routine, you should always contact your doctor to make sure there are no underlying health concerns affecting your sleep and a contact a sleep specialist if the problem persists. 

References: 

National Sleep Foundation. (2015). Retrieved from: http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/sleep-hygiene

Schardt, D. (2008). Caffeine: The Good, The Bad, and the Maybe. Retrieved from http://www.cspinet.org/nah/02_08/caffeine.pdf

Wood et al., (2013). Light level and duration of exposure determined the impact of self-luminous tablets on melatonin suppression. Applied Egronomics, 44 2),  237-240. doi:10.1016/j.apergo.2012.07.008

Fear-Driven Living

It is not uncommon in therapy to hear that people are living a fear-driven life. Our present culture perpetuates fear in the media through imagery, sensational headlines and terrifying news reports, in turn promoting a fear-driven society.

This fear tendency is actually very common and we can see it in ourselves almost every day. All our fears are rooted in the stories or social constructs that we choose to believe in. When we get stuck in negative stories, this tendency tends to perpetuate itself each time we allow it to manifest in us.

Most of our fear arises in the same way - subtle and unsuspecting. It starts with one fearful thought, which leads to another and another. Before you know it, it has taken on a life of its own. If we are not careful or have very poor self-awareness, this type of habit can literally create panic in us.

What is a fear-driven life? It is a way of living where thoughts, decisions and actions are predominantly motivated by fear.  This may be fear of death, fear of loneliness or abandonment, fear of poverty or fear of pain.

What is the impact of a fear-driven life? The more fearful we are, the more we feel a need to gain control over life. This may present itself through trying to control our environment, the people in it and nature itself so as to avoid death, loneliness, poverty, uncomfortable feelings and pain of all kinds.

What do we know about fear? The emotional and psychological response of fear can paralyze us into inaction. It can numb our emotions and thoughts, resulting in poor decisions and judgments. It impairs our insights. Any decision that is made out of fear tends to lead to more fear and isolation.

What can we do about fear-driven living? The good news is that we can change this tendency simply by increasing our self-awareness through mindfulness. The sooner we note this tendency as it arises in us, the easier it is to stop it or replace it with a more positive and holistic approach to living. When we do this repeatedly, we eventually loosen the power that fear has over us.

Some suggestions on how to release fear:

"Remember, we see the world not as it is but as we are."

·         Acknowledge your fears. We tend to spend a lot of time and effort distracting ourselves from our fears. Practice mindfulness and become self-aware. Allowing yourself to be in the present and taking note when fear arises makes it easier to stop it or replace it with something more positive and wholesome.

·         Confront your fear. Get to know the depth of what needs to be healed and recognize where your fear is coming from. Next time you are making a fear-driven decision or taking a fear-driven action, take a few deep breaths and confront your fear by asking yourself: “what is it that is coming up for me? “what am I afraid of?” “why am I afraid of this?” This will help you to start breaking down unhelpful stories or beliefs. Confronting our fear is perhaps one of the most difficult things to do, even when we know it is good for us.

·         Move away from control. Make an effort to move away from control and manipulation and move towards strengthening the sense of knowing and trusting your inner truth.

·         Replace your fear. When you recognize the presence of your fear, chose to replace it with a calming mantra or affirmation, such as: “I chose to fill myself with love” or “I chose to feel peace.” Stay committed to creating a new narrative for yourself.

·         Feed positive thoughts. Remember that the thoughts that you feed are the ones that will remain with you. Next time you are grappling with a fear based thought and a positive and/or more truthful one remember to feed the thought you would like to believe.  

·         Make falling in love with yourself a priority! Your feelings of happiness and self-worth must come from within. You are only setting yourself up for upset and hurt if your self-worth and self-esteem are dependent on another person’s actions, thoughts and/or feelings.

Creating new stories and new beliefs take time and energy. So be patient and recognize that self-awareness is the first step towards releasing fear. 

Live YOUR life!

Kelly